


Another Conversation

by undun



Series: Eventually Eventuating [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Fic, Humour, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 03:33:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undun/pseuds/undun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Speaking is somewhat over-rated. On occasion. Not on this occasion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Conversation

“What are you doing?”  
  
[chuckles] “Taking my clothes off.” [fabric rustles ]  
  
“Yes.” “Why?”  
  
[pause] “In my experience, it has always been the best way to, to…”  
  
“Proceed?”  
  
“Um. Yes?”  
  
“I see.” [inhaled breath]  
  
“Problem?”  
  
“I’m not entirely sure.” “Yet.”  
  
[sigh] “Look, Sherlock – if you’re having second thoughts–”  
  
“No. No. Let’s… proceed.”  
  
“Right.” [pause] “Okay.” [fabric rustles, zip pulling down] “And that is as far as I’m going while you’re still fully dressed.”  
  
“Yes, of course.” [fabric rustles] “Could you…” [flapping] “Turn around?”  
  
“Sherlock! You prance about in a damn sheet!”  
  
“I don’t like to be observed while I’m undressing, John.”  
  
“Really.”  
  
“Really.”  
  
“O-kaaaay.” [shuffles]  
  
[fabric rustles] [much more expensive zip pulling down] [fabric rustles] “I’m… ready.”  
  
[shuffling] [drawn out] “Fuck me…” [exhaled breath]  
  
“I thought that you wanted–”  
  
[quickly] “Oh, yes. Yes, I do. Uh-huh.”  
  
“Oh, my God.” “What is that?”  
  
[flat tone] “That’s my dick, Sherlock.”  
  
“I know, but  _look_  at it!” [laughter]  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s all swelly-looking.” [more laughter]  
  
“Well, yeah. It does that, doesn’t yours?” “Ah.”  
  
“Not like  _that._ ”  
  
“I see how this went wrong for you now.” [sigh]  
  
“I have to measure it – that doesn’t seem feasible.”  
  
[another sigh] “Go ahead.”  
  
[drawer opening] [pockets ransacked]  
  
“Not the fucking magnifying glass, Sherlock!”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I’m not a lab specimen?”  
  
“Well, this isn’t anything approaching lab conditions. I really don’t understand your objection.”  
  
“Okay! Fine. Get it over with.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“Strangely, I think my mood of sexual arousal may have been disrupted by the gales of laughter at my manhood and subsequent scientific objectification of the size of my erection.” “Just a guess.”  
  
“Hmmf.” “How do we get it back?”  
  
“You really don’t have any ideas?”  
  
[pause] “Not really.”  
  
“Maybe if you stroked it?”  
  
“Stroked it.”  
  
“Yes, with your fingers.” “Like this.”  
  
“You can do that!”  
  
“Quicker if you do it.”  
  
“Very well.” [skin on skin]  
  
“Oh, Jesus Christ.” “Mmng.”  
  
“What did I do wrong  _now_?”  
  
“Absolutelynothing. Keepgoing, keepgoing.”  
  
“That’s more like it.” “Hold still!”  
  
“Gah!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“The tape measure’s cold!”  
  
“Hold it right there, will you?”  
  
“What are you doing now?” “Is that a retractor?”  
  
“Stop leaning over – it changes the angle.”  
  
“Sorry.” “Er, what angle?”  
  
“Okay. That’s got it.” [beeping buttons]  
  
“Hang on, no photos!”  
  
“Oh, come on. It’s evidence, John.” “I’ll stroke it some more?”  
  
“Bloody hell.” “If you show this to  **anybody** , alive or dead–”  
  
“That isn’t logical, John: how could I show it to someone who’s dead?”  
  
“Shut up. You don’t ever, ever show it to anybody else, understand?”  
  
“Yes, John.” “I promise.”  
  
[huffing breath] “Right. Do your worst.”  
  
[shutter click] [pause] “Hm.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Doesn’t look as big.” “I’ll place the tape measure next to it for scale, then I can enlarge it on the laptop.”  
  
“Ngh. Cold.”  
  
“Man up, John.”  
  
[shutter click] “Good.” “Oh. It’s deflating again.”  
  
“Needs more attention.” “Too much objectifying.”  
  
“I’ve never known you to be this high maintenance, John.” [skin on skin]  
  
“Oh, hm. Sorry.” “I can’t…”  
  
[knees hitting floorboards]  
  
“John!”  
  
“Ow.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“My legs went to jelly.” “That happens sometimes.” “With arousal.”  
  
“Really?” “Just like that?”  
  
“Sometimes, yeah.” “Hand up?”  
  
“Are you all right now?”  
  
“I’m fine, Sherlock.”  
  
“You’d better lie down on the bed.” “Actually, I could run some comparisons with you horizontal.”  
  
“Comparisons?”  
  
“Yes.” “Response time, angle, length, rigidity… with horizontal position as a variable.”  
  
“Okay.” “I think I’m up for that.”  
  
“That is a terrible pun, John.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Hold still now…”  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  



End file.
